The Cost of “Yes”: Protecting Your Energy in Midlife

Let me preface this by saying: I was that mom. You know—the annoying one. I was Pinterest before there was Pinterest… everything had to be perfect.

I couldn’t just manage my son’s Timbits hockey team and bring sliced oranges—nooooo. I had to write a fictional story about all the kids, include pictures, have it bound, and gift it to each player at the end of the season.

I couldn’t just book my kiddo’s birthday party at a play place—noooooo. I had to make personalized invitations, invent Amazing Race games, and create elaborate experiences.

What was I thinking???

That was the season of my life where I pretty much said yes to everything. I loved helping, and I never wanted to disappoint anyone. I grew up surrounded by strong matriarchs who modelled selfless giving and the responsibility of being all things to all people.

If my beloved Aunt Soraya could stay up all night making 900 donuts, then surely I could bake all the French pastries for 100 guests at my niece’s bridal shower.

That was the logic.

Looking back now, I laugh and think… who does that? But I also see clearly how overextended I was—without realizing there would eventually be a cost.

When you’re younger, your body compensates. It’s easier to push through exhaustion, override stress, and ignore the subtle signals begging you to slow down.

And I did exactly that for years.

Then BAM.

Perimenopause hit me like a tonne of bricks.

Starting in my late 30s, my body stopped negotiating. Fatigue became different. Recovery took longer. Stress hit harder. Having spent the last few years speaking with women and learning more about the realities of midlife, I know I’m far from alone in this.

So many of us spend decades believing our value comes from how much we can carry, produce, and give—eventually losing touch with our own needs.

It took the realities of midlife health for me to realize I had to become much more protective of my energy reserves.

I believe our energy is like a pie. With every slice we give away, there’s less left for ourselves.

Now, I make sure I protect a slice for me.

I still believe there is beauty in showing up for the people we love and making life a little easier for others. After all, as tempting as it may seem at times, we can’t opt out of our lives. We still have responsibilities, people we love, work that matters, and roles we care deeply about.

But we can become more discerning and intentional about where we dedicate our time.

I had to become more honest about my limits and learn to say no without guilt. I am much more aware now that every “yes” comes at the cost of something else.

And at this stage of life, I know for sure that protecting our energy isn’t selfish.

It’s wisdom.