I entered menopause very suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 40.

The clues I couldn’t read

Looking back, there were probably clues in the years leading up to it: sleep disturbances, mood swings, and extreme reactions to stress, that might have been recognized as symptoms of perimenopause. But the conversations with my doctor never went there. Instead, what I was experiencing was attributed to a stressful job, raising young children, and general mental health issues.

At the time, there was also a great deal of negativity and fear surrounding hormone therapy, so it was never suggested as an option that might help me manage the onslaught of symptoms that came when menopause set in.

Alone is the best way I can describe how I felt.

Carrying the blame

It was difficult to find anyone who could relate to experiencing menopause so early, and for years I blamed my own stress levels for causing it. I believed that somehow I had done this to myself, that if I had just managed my stress better, perhaps it wouldn’t have happened.

What I wish I’d had

Seventeen years later, I wish I had had a community around me that could have offered better guidance, understanding, and reassurance. I wish someone had told me that perimenopause can begin years before menopause itself, and that many of the things I was experiencing could have been part of that transition. Most of all, I wish someone had reassured me that I wasn’t crazy and that I hadn’t somehow caused this to happen to myself.

I have carried that blame for years. I didn’t need more judgment, from myself or anyone else. I needed information, support, and the reassurance of other women who understood what I was going through.